Safe Place

How do we go from ‘I don’t matter’ to ‘I do matter?’ We all have unique character traits, temperaments, personalities, learning styles, and world views. These factors, along with many others I’m sure, lead us to perceive and process differently. One person may have to simply be told they matter, after years of being told the opposite. Others, like myself, have a hard time repositioning from the messages that were programmed into us. In my case, with years and years of counselling under my belt, I knew a lot of the right answers. But it took a spiritual encounter for me to realize I mattered. Unfortunately, the realization wasn’t enough. I recognized it intellectually but I didn’t feel it, which means I didn’t really believe it. Sometime after this awareness, a situation took me back into counselling. My therapist led me through a process called brainspotting where I re-experienced past, buried trauma. (I talk about brainspotting in a separate blog.) Through this technique I experien

     I love my safe place. Before I could set up a space that was mine, a place to go when I needed to hide from threats and attacks, I had to believe it was important to look after myself . We don’t need to protect something that doesn’t matter. I want to keep my old photos safe―the pictures of my grandparents are irreplaceable. But I don’t care about protecting my cleaning supplies. Shop for groceries, cook the meals, clean the house … is this what makes me worth the air I breathe? What is it about me that matters? Fulfilling those roles, and many others, for my children and husband seemed important. They needed these things done. It mattered. For many years, that’s what defined me. Since it took significant time and energy, there wasn’t time left over for me. I wouldn’t be so selfish as to put my needs ahead of the needs of others. I look at that belief now and shake my head. Why would my needs be inferior to anyone else’s? I have health problems that could have been avoid