Part 3 - The road to healing

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How do we go from ‘I don’t matter’ to ‘I do matter?’

We all have unique character traits, temperaments, personalities, learning styles, and world views. These factors, along with many others I’m sure, lead us to perceive and process differently. One person may have to simply be told they matter, after years of being told the opposite. Others, like myself, have a hard time repositioning from the messages that were programmed into us.

In my case, with years and years of counselling under my belt, I knew a lot of the right answers. But it took a spiritual encounter for me to realize I mattered. Unfortunately, the realization wasn’t enough. I recognized it intellectually but I didn’t feel it, which means I didn’t really believe it.

Sometime after this awareness, a situation took me back into counselling. My therapist led me through a process called brainspotting where I re-experienced past, buried trauma. (I talk about brainspotting in a separate blog.) Through this technique I experienced a level of healing that allowed me to move past the negative messages in my head, to a place where I started to see myself differently. And I began, slowly, to internalize a new perspective―I matter; I have worth; I’m not just a tool to be used by others.

Until we believe we matter, we can’t properly assert our needs.

The problem here is that we need a safe space before we have sufficient self worth and the emotional health to look after our needs. So, is it possible to establish this space before we’re fully convinced that we matter? Let’s explore this question …

… in my next post.







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